The Nature of Us
by sashsweetie
Summary: Outside a Christmas party...Valentine's...A number of interactions describing the development of Abbey and CJ's relationship. Sorry they're so short...the ideas popped into my head, but time is severely lacking!
1. Lilies

CJ wandered out onto the grounds, needing a bit of time away from the guys. She pulled her sweater more tightly about her as protection against the spring mist and leaned up against the side of the house, sighing. In the distance, she saw a figure kneeling on the ground and smiled. Abbey was gardening. She quietly made her way over and stood quietly behind the woman, who still hadn't noticed her presence. She watched as Abbey broke apart the moist soil, her gloved hands mixing in nutrients to help her plants grow. She seemed at peace.

"Hi." She put a hand on Abbey's shoulder to announce her presence. Abbey stiffened, surprised, before looking up and seeing it was CJ.

"You frightened me." She commented, turning back to her planting. CJ smiled.

"Leo tells me I should wear a bell."

"You are rather feline." Abbey laughed.

CJ frowned "Is that good or bad?" Abbey looked her up at her, her brown eyes filled with amusement at CJ's distress.

"Take it as a compliment. Cats are beautiful creatures."

CJ knelt beside her on the wet ground. "What are you planting?"

"Stargazer lilies" Abbey smiled. "They're my favourites." CJ looked confused.

"Are they the big trumpet-like ones?"

"Yeah" Abbey passed her the package of bulbs, which had a picture of the flowers. "Want to open it for me so I don't have to take my gloves off?" CJ complied, passing her the bulbs one by one as Abbey dug them little holes and covered them over again, carefully. "There" she covered over the last one. "Hopefully the squirrels won't eat them." She looked at CJ, who smiled gently back at her.

"I should get back, ma'am."

Abbey sighed. "How many times must I ask you to call me Abbey in private?" she said with exasperation.

CJ smiled. "I should get back…Abbey."

"Well, then," Abbey climbed to her feet and pulled off her gloves, offering a hand to CJ, who took it, allowing herself to be pulled from the ground. "Let's get you back."

The two women walked back in silence towards the farmhouse. "See you later Abbey" CJ said quietly, pausing before she split off towards the barn.

Abbey turned towards her, something passing through her eyes as CJ said her name. She smiled. "Bye, Claudia Jean" she replied, just as quietly. She stood and watched CJ as she made her way back into the world of men.

Back in Washington a few days later, Abbey smiled as she walked into her office to find a vase filled with stargazer lilies sitting on her desk.


	2. Caffeine Headache

CJ stared blankly into the dregs of her coffee as she sat in the booth of the hotel restaurant at 5:30 am. She vaguely considered signalling the waitress to ask for more, but concluded she couldn't be bothered quite yet.

"May I join you?" CJ looked up to find the First Lady standing beside her.

"Of course." She gestured to the seat across from her. The waitress hurried over and they both ordered coffee. CJ tried to come up with a topic of conversation and failed miserably. Her brain just wasn't up to it quite yet. Abbey didn't seem to mind. The silence was amicable.

Their coffee arrived, and Abbey proceeded to dump a container of milk into hers. CJ just started drinking it. Abbey grimaced. "Black?" she asked.

CJ nodded. "I need to wake up." She explained.

"Me too" Abbey smiled, "but black coffee?" she grimaced again.

"I like it this way." CJ took another sip to prove her point. Abbey shook her head.

"Okay…" they lapsed back into silence.

Another cup of coffee later, CJ was much more conversational. "What's on your schedule today?" she asked the First Lady.

Abbey blinked. "Jed's speech at 10, meeting with the governor, meeting with the director of a women's shelter downtown, dinner, and then we fly." She took another sip of coffee. "Yourself?"

CJ sighed. "Senior Staff meeting at 6, press briefings, the President's speech, a meeting with the governor, more press briefings, dinner, and then we fly. Joy."

"You enjoy it." Abbey teased. CJ smiled.

"I know." She looked at her watch "I'd better get to that meeting." She stood up and stretched, surprised at how Abbey looked at her when she did so. "I'll see you at the dinner, if not before."

"Bye Claudia Jean."

CJ was curled in a chair, briefly closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose against the headache that was forming. It was midnight, and they had finally taken off only an hour ago. She sighed. At least most members of the press corps were asleep and no emergencies appeared to have developed quite yet. She heard a body drop into the seat beside her.

"Are you okay, Claudia Jean?" Abbey's voice was concerned. CJ opened her eyes to look upside down at the First Lady.

"I have a headache, ma'am."

"_Abbey!_" Abbey hissed.

"Okay!" CJ held her hands up in defeat, closing her eyes again.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep?" Abbey suggested. "You were up at 5, after all."

CJ smiled. "So were you." Abbey rolled her eyes.

"You're the one with the headache. You're being stubborn."

"Why doesn't the plane carry painkillers?" CJ asked in exasperation. "I'd be fine if I could just find some of those."

"Claudia Jean, as a doctor, I suggest you try and get some sleep. They'll wake you if anything happens." Abbey petted her hair softly.

"Okay." CJ murmured, enjoying the sensation of having her hair stroked. Abbey smiled. She kept stroking until she was sure CJ had fallen asleep, then found a blanket to cover her with and sat back down, opening her book.


	3. Interdependence

It had taken a long time for CJ Cregg to grow into some sort of acceptance of herself. She knew she had reached a level in society that few women did – she had penetrated the world of men that was politics and was playing hardball. And yet she felt a fraud. The sarcastic, witty, teasing, and confident CJ she presented to the press room and to her colleagues was a mask. Underneath, she was still the awkward, clumsy, too-tall geek that had plagued her childhood years. She had never found the self-assurance that her place in the world had earned her.

While some women made their way in a world of men through virtue of their femininity, using it as a tool, a manipulating tactic to get themselves things, it was a skill that CJ had never developed. In fact, she very often felt than femininity as a whole was something she had never managed to acquire. She was flattered by the affections Danny showed her, but she knew he was in love with the mask she had created for herself. He had never had to opportunity to learn what was underneath.

Toby was probably the only one who understood to some extent, besides Abbey. He had known her forever, watched as she had developed from the awkward CJ into the CJ she presented to the world. But he knew that CJ herself had not changed.

CJ couldn't quite remember when she had realised the feelings she felt towards women were not admiration, but attraction. She remembered a teacher, somewhere in her middle-school years, whom she had admired greatly and had come to realise she was also attracted to. If that was the first time, she couldn't be sure. But she knew it had happened many times since. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to men, not at all. CJ had always said she was good in bed, and so she was. It was one of the few things she was confident of, her ability to pleasure. It was part of her job description. She could read people at a glance, know what turned them on, what they wanted from her, and she could give it to them. CJ had always liked men, but she understood women, and it was this which attracted her to them. It was with women she could find the deeper connection, become who she really was. They understood. Inferiority complexes were something CJ believed to be ingrained in the nature of women from their very birth. Hers certainly had been.

It was raw power which had initially drawn her to Abbey. Abbey had grabbed the men's world of politics by the balls and manipulated it so that she could play without losing any of her femininity. That type of power was something CJ craved. When she had come to discover the more vulnerable side of Abbey, she had been relieved. Abbey was two people. One was Dr. Bartlet, cardio-thoracic surgeon and First Lady of the United States. The other was simply Abbey, who craved attention from her husband but didn't receive it often enough, who had given up her place in the world of medicine for the love of a man who would never understand just how much she had lost to make him happy. This was the Abbey who was slowly crumbling, broken by the loss of her medical license, her husband's slow debilitation, and a sense of complete lack of control.

CJ had been surprised to find that Abbey had been just as confused by her feelings towards women as CJ had been. She had been brought up a rigid Catholic, believing she was sinning every time she found her thoughts straying in a direction she couldn't prevent them from going. She had prayed to God each night to make the feelings leave her, asking him why this had been brought upon her, wanting to understand where she had gone wrong. In the end she had simply accepted them as a part of herself that she could never let show or share, and she never had, until she met CJ.

They had grown close over the first four years of her husband's term, often being the only two women. They shared nights of wine and talking when they couldn't cope with the men anymore, snuck out for meals as an escape, and it was through this they had become friends. They confided in one another, though they often fought, mostly about conflicts of interest between Abbey's agenda and her husband's, or when one of them felt the other was manipulating the respective positions they each held with regard to the President. They always came back.

Neither of them knew whether the attraction developed before their mutual admission to liking women or after. It didn't matter, in the end. In the end, all it did was make them closer.

It was CJ, not the President, who had held Abbey in her arms in the Presidential bedroom as she cried herself to sleep after losing her license, pressing soft kisses to her hair.

It was Abbey who had calmed CJ when she was benched, despite the fact that she had recommended it, by pressing an invitation upon her for a drink in the residence to take away the sting. One drink turned into several, and they had stayed up all night, just talking.

They kept each other standing. They were interdependent in their relationship, which neither of them even tried to define. It was more than friendship, but not yet an affair. It was simply a knowledge of their attraction to each other.


	4. Playing Doctor

CJ tumbled down the marble stairs, the papers she was holding flying from her grasp as she attempted to break her fall. Carol gasped, trying to grab her but missing and almost falling herself.

"CJ!" she exclaimed, hurrying down the stairs after her falling boss. She reached the bottom not long after CJ's somewhat less graceful descent. "Oh my God, are you alright?"

CJ groaned from where she lay in a crumpled heap. "Ow." She moaned.

"I'm getting Dr. Bartlet. Don't move." She ran for the nearest phone, dialling the First Lady's office. "Put me through. CJ fell down the stairs." She waited momentarily before being transferred. "Ma'am, its Carol. CJ fell down a flight of stairs. I'm not letting her move. She fell pretty hard and the stairs are marble…Thank you. The marble staircase by the press office. Yes." She hung up the phone and hurried back to her boss. "CJ?" she asked again, crouching down and putting a hand to CJ's arm.

"Yeah?" CJ murmured.

"You okay?"

"I hurt."

"Dr. Bartlet's on her way. Stay still."

CJ nodded, wincing as pain shot across her scalp. "Can you help me sit up?"

"Yeah." Carol supported her under the arms as she helped CJ manoeuvre into a sitting position. CJ leaned against her for support.

"My head hurts."

Abbey arrived just then, shadowed by two agents. "Claudia Jean?" she asked, "How did you manage this?" she moved to kneel beside her new patient.

"I wasn't paying attention." CJ mumbled.

"Evidently." Abbey raised an eyebrow. "Now. What hurts?"

"My head, my left ankle and knee, and my right wrist." CJ informed her, lifting a hand to her head to show Abbey where she had hit it. Her fingers were bloody when she pulled them away.

A look of concern crossed across Abbey's face, and she moved in behind CJ, pulling her hair away from the area to reveal a sizeable cut. "Hmm. We're going to need supplies. Carol?" she turned to CJ's assistant, who nodded. "Can you go to the residence and ask for my bag, please?" Carol hurried off.

Abbey probed gently around the cut. CJ winced. "Tender?" Abbey asked, noticing CJ tense. "There's going to be some bruising, but I don't think it's big or deep enough to warrant stitches."

She moved around in front of CJ. "I'm just going to do a quick exam to check if you're disoriented. There's a risk you have a concussion." She held up a finger in front of CJ's nose. "Follow my finger." She directed, moving it up and down, side to side. "Good." She nodded. "What's the date?"

"Wednesday, March 4th, 2004" CJ replied.

"Good. Where are you?"

"The West Wing."

Abbey nodded. "I think you're in the clear." She smiled. "Let's have a look at everything else before Carol gets back with my stuff." She removed CJ's shoe on her left foot. "Tell me when it hurts." She flexed the foot in different directions and then rotated the ankle. CJ winced the whole time. "Hmm…probably sprained. It'll swell a bit. I'd recommend icing it in your office. She moved CJ's skirt so the slit was over her leg, displaying it up to the thigh. CJ blushed. "Don't be silly, Claudia Jean." Abbey winked at her before starting to probe CJ's knee delicately, flexing it up and down. "Just bruised, I think." She moved on to CJ's wrist, picking up the slender hand from where it lay in CJ's lap. CJ laid her aching head against the banister, closing her eyes. Abbey looked up, startled. "Claudia??"

"Mmm?" CJ responded. She really wanted to go to sleep.

"Stay awake. Stay with me, okay? Claudia?" Abbey's voice was sharp. "Open your eyes." CJ did. "I'm going to take you over to the residence." Abbey informed her. "I want to keep an eye on you."

"I'm fine." CJ insisted. "I'm just sleepy, that's all."

Abbey ignored her. "If I support you, do you think you can walk?" CJ nodded, wincing at the pain it caused in her head. "Okay." Abbey half-stood, wrapping an arm around CJ's back. "One, two, _three_." She helped pull the other woman upright. "It's not too far." They proceeded slowly towards the closest exit, running into Carol.

"We're going to the residence." Abbey informed her. "CJ's going to be taking the afternoon off." She took the bag from CJ's assistant. "Can you ask Amy to have my stuff sent over and my calls redirected?"

"Of course, ma'am." Carol headed off towards the East Wing, while Abbey and CJ proceeded slowly towards the residence.

"Almost there." Abbey eased CJ onto the bed in one of the guest rooms. "Okay. Let's get that cut cleaned up, and then I'll take a look at your wrist." She removed her shoes and climbed onto the bed behind CJ, opening her bag. Abbey arranged swabs, pads, and the open bottle of alcohol beside her, and spread out a piece of plastic on the other side before pulling on latex gloves. "This will sting." She informed CJ, pouring alcohol onto a pad and searching through the press secretary's hair for the wound. It had already begun to clot as she wiped the blood gently away. CJ cringed. "You're going to be in pain for a while." Abbey informed her. With the blood gone, she could see the bruise beginning to form on CJ's scalp. She dipped a swab into the alcohol and cleaned the cut even more thoroughly. CJ sighed.

"Why am I so clumsy?" she asked rhetorically, still sounding drowsy. Abbey smiled.

"All done." She announced, placing the swab on top of the plastic and throwing her gloves in the middle, gathering the whole thing into a ball and putting it in the trash under the bedside table. "Now, that wrist." CJ moved so she could lie back on the bed, closing her eyes again. Abbey gently manipulated her wrist, feeling each of the bones in her hand to make sure it wasn't broken. Finally she laid it back on the bed, and stroked CJ's cheek gently. "I think you'll survive, Miss Cregg." She informed CJ gently. CJ smiled.

"Good. Can I sleep now? I'm so drowsy."

Abbey smiled. "All right." She settled down on the bed beside CJ to wait for her work to arrive. "I'll be right here keeping an eye on you." She stroked the Press Secretary's hair gently.

"Mmm." CJ was already almost asleep. She turned on her side so she was facing Abbey, curling into her warmth.

An aide arrived, carrying folders for Abbey. She put a finger to her lips as she saw him at the door, and gestured for him to come in and hand them to her. She smiled once more at her friend who was fast asleep before opening one and starting to read.

CJ awoke some time later, in quite a bit of pain and found herself face to face with Abbey's skirt. Abbey felt her stirring and looked down from her reading.

"How do you feel?" she asked quietly.

CJ tried to prop herself up and cringed in pain. "Awful." She admitted, sinking back into the bed. "my whole body hurts."

"Hmm…I think you should stay here tonight." Abbey decided. "You were pretty disoriented earlier, and if you're in a lot of pain, I'd like to keep an eye on you." CJ was in no mood to argue.

"Alright." She agreed. "That's probably sensible."

"Are you hungry?" Abbey asked. "I'll grab you some ibuprofen and then we could order some food."

CJ shook her head. "Ibuprofen sounds wonderful, but I'm not hungry." Abbey frowned.

"Well, I'll get you the ibuprofen and we'll see how you feel when it kicks in."

"Okay." CJ closed her eyes again. She hurt all over.

Abbey helped her to sit and swallow the pills, keeping her arm around CJ's shoulders to help her stay upright. "If you aren't any better tomorrow morning, I want to take you to the hospital for tests." She informed CJ.

CJ nodded slowly. "I'm trusting your judgment on the medical stuff." She smiled faintly at her friend. "Thanks for taking care of me."

Abbey reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind CJ's ear. "I'm enjoying getting to play doctor." She admitted, smiling back. "Especially with such a docile patient." She joked. "Do you want to lie back down?"

CJ nodded, and Abbey helped her to lie back down on the bed, this time underneath the sheets, and proceeded to go back to sleep.

The next time she woke, she found a pair of pyjamas on the bed beside her alone with Abbey's files, but no Abbey. She sat up carefully to find her head more painful, but less dizzy than before. Tentatively, she slid from the bed and made her way into an upright position. That accomplished, she changed the silk pyjamas for her wrinkled suit, and hobbled from the room in search of her friend.

She found Abbey on the phone in the living room. Abbey smiled to see her up, and gestured for her to sit while she finished the phone call.

"Hungry yet?" she asked as she hung up the phone. CJ discovered that she was.

"Yes, actually."

"Good. Me too." Abbey came over to sit beside her. "I'm glad to see you up and about." She commented, her hands automatically searching through CJ's hair to check on the cut. CJ leaned against her lazily. "Hmm…you're pretty bruised. What do you want to eat?"

"Anything, really."

"Okay." Abbey went to the phone and ordered something for them both.

She came back to sit beside CJ. "You had me worried for a while there, Claudia Jean." She murmured gently, hugging her tightly. CJ hugged her back.

"I'm sorry, Abbey. I'm just really clumsy."

"My clumsy Claudia." Abbey joked. CJ smiled.

"Indeed."


	5. Just Cry

Abbey left her oldest daughter and the plate of sandwiches in the living room, telling Elisabeth she'd be right back. Making her way to an empty bedroom, she collapsed on the bed and located CJ's number in her cell phone.

"Claudia Jean?" she asked, tears working slowly down her face.

"_Abbey_?" CJ stood quickly and closed the door to her office. "Abbey, sweetie. How are you holding up?" She could hear the other woman sniffing quietly.

"Did you know? About Sharif?" Abbey's voice cracked.

"We just got told about a week ago. I thought…Did you _just_ find out?" CJ exclaimed.

"From the television report." Abbey said bitterly. "Like so many other things in my life."

"Oh, Abbey" CJ had no idea what to say.

"Can you come up for a few minutes?" Abbey asked beseechingly. CJ looked at her watch.

"Where are you? I'll be there as soon as I can."

CJ walked into the spare bedroom to find Abbey sitting on the bed with tears leaking down her cheeks.

"Abbey…" she murmured, moving to crouch in front of the woman and take her hands, stroking them softly. She moved to sit beside her on the bed, wrapping the other woman in her arms. Abbey clung to her, sobs beginning to wrack her body.

"They took my baby….My Zoe…" she wailed.

CJ's own eyes overflowed, her tears running into Abbey's hair. "I know." She whispered, rocking her gently. "I know."

Abbey pulled away to look up at CJ's now tearstained face. "Will they kill her, Claudia?" she asked, her face looking desperate.

CJ shook her head, unable to give the woman comfort when she didn't know what was happening on Qumar. "I don't know, Abbey." She replied honestly "If we go into Qumar, it becomes a much higher possibility." Tears continued leaking down her face. "And with Walken…" CJ's voice gave out.

Abbey leaned back into her chest, and CJ wrapped her arms around her as tightly as she could, pressing her cheek into Abbey's hair. "We'll find her, Abbey. I promise we'll find her, no matter what." She murmured fiercely to the other woman. Abbey nodded into her chest, still crying, but calmer.

"Okay" she whispered. "Okay."

Unseen by both, Jed watched from the door. Both saddened and made happier by the fact that at least someone could give his wife the absolution she needed, if it couldn't be him.


	6. Here If You Need Me

"May I just say…we miss you." CJ said hesitantly to Abbey, trying to find some way to comfort her friend in public without wrapping her arms around her and holding her close.

"That's very kind." Abbey replied, looking her in the eye. "Please don't be offended if I say I don't miss you." She meant the administration, of course, but the hurt look that flashed through CJ's eyes before she looked away made her want to take back her words.

Awkwardness settled over the conversation until the interview ended a few minutes later, and the conversation with it, which had CJ had somehow turned to Jed. She was worried about the status of the First Marriage, knowing Abbey had requested his absence.

Abbey wrapped her arms around Zoey. "You did a brilliant job, sweetie." She murmured, tears in her eyes.

"It was fine, Mom." Zoey pulled herself away a little and brushed the tears from Abbey's face with her thumb. Abbey chuckled.

"Will you stay for dinner, Claudia?" she asked, turning to CJ.

"I'd love to stay." CJ smiled warmly. She loved Manchester. "But only on the condition I get some of your wonderful cider."

"I think we can arrange that." Abbey smiled back. "Come on." She wrapped an arm around each of them and the threesome headed for the kitchen, leaving the t.v. crew to clean up the living room.

Half an hour later, CJ was standing in the kitchen helping to chop vegetables for a stew. She popped a piece of carrot into her mouth, enjoying the way it crunched. She paused as she saw Abbey watching her. "Sorry" she blushed, and went to return to chopping the carrots.

"No, no." Abbey smiled. "I was just enjoying watching you. You're much more relaxed when not in the White House."

"Funny that." CJ quipped.

Zoey sniffed loudly. "These onions are making me cry. I'll be right back." She disappeared from the room momentarily.

"I didn't mean you." Abbey murmured quietly once her daughter was out of the room. CJ looked confused. Abbey moved around to put a hand on hers. "I do miss you, Claudia. I just can't be there right now."

CJ smiled, understanding. "I know, Abbey." She leaned forward and kissed the other woman's cheek. They went back to chopping their veggies. Zoey returned a few minutes later, still sniffing.

"CJ, can I switch with you?" she requested. "The onions aren't agreeing with me."

"Sure." CJ moved around the counter.

After a dinner of stew and freshly baked bread, they sat on the porch to watch the stars come out.

"I've missed this." CJ announced in the darkness, looking up at the dark sky. Abbey laid her head gently on CJ's shoulder, her arm around Zoey on her other side.

"I know." Zoey agreed. "You can't see them in Washington, it's too bright."

"Speaking of Washington, I should head out soon if I'm going to make my flight." CJ pointed out.

"You could stay over." Abbey offered.

"I would, but there's too much going on, as you know." CJ replied sadly.

"I know." Abbey murmured. They climbed slowly to their feet.

"You did great today, Zoey" CJ hugged the girl tightly before turning to Abbey. "Come and visit us soon, okay?" she murmured as she hugged the First Lady. Abbey nodded.

"I'll think about it." She said wryly.

"Bye CJ!" Zoey waved as CJ made her way to the car that waited to take her to the airport.

"Bye." CJ waved back.

The two stood and watched as the car drove away, Abbey feeling more than a little sad.

She was cheered that night when she went to her room to find a note on her pillow.

"_When all that's wrong is coming true,_

_Remember I am here for you."_

_Sorry, it was the best I could do at short notice._

_Feel free to call if you need a friend._

_Yours,_

_Claudia_

Abbey smiled at the corny line. Knowing she had a friend she could call, and who wanted her to, made the whole world seem a little brighter.


	7. Once More Before You Leave

CJ sat in her office and thought for a few moments after Toby left. Her whole life had been a series of one night stands. Never a relationship, never even a regular guy she slept with. Just one night stands. The thought was a depressing one. She pulled out her cell phone and dialled the familiar number.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end questioned professionally.

"Hey" CJ smiled a little.

"Claudia Jean? Do what do I owe the pleasure?" Abbey's smooth voice sounded pleased.

"It was just a bad day. I needed to talk." CJ stood up to close her door.

"Are you still in the office? Come on over to mine. We'll have tea. Or are you in need of something stronger?" Abbey invited. CJ smiled. Her meeting with Toby could wait.

"That sounds wonderful."

"Which?" Abbey teased.

"Coming over" CJ replied ambiguously. Abbey chuckled. "I'll be there in a few minutes." CJ hung up the phone and stood to remove her jacket and scarf. Locking the office door behind her, she headed for the East Wing, and Abbey.

"Claudia, come in" Abbey welcomed as CJ knocked at her door. "I thought we'd compromise. I'm making blueberry tea."

"Blueberry tea" CJ repeated, nonplussed. Abbey rolled her eyes at CJ's expression.

"Earl Grey with Amaretto and Grand Marnier" she replied.

"Oh!" CJ smiled, much more interested. "Sounds good."

"It is" Abbey replied, placing a tray with all the necessary ingredients on the tea table in front of her couch. CJ sat down, and Abbey joined her, sitting close beside. "So what happened?"

CJ blushed. "It was just a bad day" she responded tentatively. "I just needed to talk to someone." Abbey looked sceptical, but busied herself with making the drinks. "I talked to John Hoynes" CJ blurted out after a few moments of silence."

"I heard this whole affair had upset you" Abbey commented. CJ jerked her head up.

"You had?" she asked miserably. Abbey handed her a teacup.

"Yes" she replied, sipping her own. CJ sighed.

"Brilliant." She spoke resignedly, placing her cup down on the table. "Brilliant."

Abbey put a hand on her knee, lightly. "What happened, Claudia?" she asked gently.

"I…I don't know if I should tell you." CJ said desperately, turning her head away.

"You came to me for a reason" Abbey pointed out. CJ looked back at her.

"Because I trust you." She whispered. Abbey nodded encouragingly.

"I…I slept with him, Abbey" CJ spoke earnestly, in a low voice. "Ten years ago. Ten years ago I slept with a married man. The Vice President" she lifted a hand to her forehead, running her fingers through her bangs nervously. She was looking at her knees, seeming afraid of Abbey's response.

Abbey smiled at CJ's unnatural nervousness "I'm sure there have been others, Claudia." She reached out a finger and raised CJ's chin. CJ lifted her eyes to Abbey's slowly.

"I know there have" she replied, smiling weakly. "It's that I've been one of them that I'm ashamed of." Abbey nodded her understanding.

"I know that feeling." She reached out and clasped CJ's hand in her own. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Claudia Jean." she murmured, looking into CJ's eyes.

"No?" CJ whispered, her eyes wide, and her gaze trapped in Abbey's own.

"No." Abbey leaned in and gently brushed her lips against CJ's. CJ responded by leaning in a little too, raising her hand to Abbey's cheek. After a minute they both pulled away. CJ was blushing gently, her gaze averted slightly. She didn't really know what to do.

"I never imagined you shy." Abbey smiled, watching her. CJ met her eyes.

"But…you're….you're the First Lady!" CJ burst out. Abbey laughed a little at the look of panic on CJ's face.

"Yes, Claudia, I am." She reached over to brush a stray strand of hair from CJ's face, and then looked her in the eye. "And I must admit I'm rather in love with you."

CJ blushed again. "You are?" she asked, shocked.

Now it was Abbey's turn to blush and look away. "Yes."

CJ had calmed down a little. "Abbey, you're married. You're husband is my boss." She murmured quickly and quietly. Abbey lifted a finger to her lips.

"Shh." She whispered. "I know."

CJ looked at her, her eyes full of sadness. "Abbey…" she started

"What makes you think my husband would even notice?" Abbey muttered bitterly.

"He loves you!" CJ grabbed Abbey's hand as she turned away, pulling her back. "I know it's been difficult for you, Ab, but…"

"But what?" Abbey burst out. "What excuse will you make for him now, Claudia?" she demanded, her eyes filling with tears. "What about me?" she whispered, her tears falling into her hand, clasped with CJ's.

CJ sighed, and pulled Abbey to her, cuddling her gently, murmuring into her hair. "I'm sorry, Ab. It comes naturally to defend him. I didn't mean to upset you, or push you away." Abbey's tearstained face looked up into her own. CJ used her thumb to wipe the tears away.

"Do you care for me?" Abbey asked quietly, searching CJ's face for an answer.

"Of course I do!" CJ replied earnestly. "But if this came out…" she sighed. "It would destroy the administration. It would destroy me. It would destroy you. It would destroy your husband." She stroked Abbey's cheek gently. "I don't know, Abbey. I don't know if I can agree to this." Abbey cuddled into her.

"I just want to be loved, Claudia. By you."

"I can love you, I just don't know if I can have an affair with you." CJ responded gently.

Abbey sighed. "I know." She sat up slowly. "I know you need time to think. I've thought a lot." She informed CJ honestly. "But I just dropped this on you." CJ nodded.

"I will need some time." CJ agreed.

"Will you kiss me one more time, before you go?" Abbey requested

CJ smiled gently at her would-be lover. "Alright." She acquiesced softly.

Abbey pulled her in, smiling. "Good." She brushed her lips again against CJ's, and CJ opened her lips a little, deepening the kiss. Abbey pulled on her lower lip gently with her teeth, and CJ's tongue snaked delicately into her mouth, loosening her hold.

By the time they stopped, they were lying back on the couch, with Abbey straddling CJ's waist, one hand in her hair. CJ opened her blue-grey eyes to find Abbey's chocolate brown ones looking back at her.

"I think you enjoyed that, Miss Cregg" Abbey teased, moving back so CJ could sit up.

"I think you did too, Dr. Bartlet." CJ retorted, reaching around Abbey's waist to pull herself into a sitting position. Abbey grinned.

"I did indeed."

CJ looked at her watch. "I should go" she said guiltily. "I said I'd meet Toby to work on a press briefing."

"Alright." Abbey watched as CJ stood, straightened her skirt and put her hair back into order, turning to examine herself in the mirror over the fireplace.

"Okay. I look acceptable." CJ leaned down and brushed Abbey's lips once more. "I'll see you soon?" she asked.

Abbey smiled. "You can count on it." CJ smiled back and then headed for the door.

She knew before she reached in that she'd made her decision.


	8. Softly Falling Snow

CJ stood huddled on the porch at Manchester, wrapped in as many layers as she could find. She had been unable to deal with the cheery drunkenness of everyone inside and had hidden outside to take in the snow and stars. Unfortunately, this also meant she was freezing, watching the puffs of her own breath in the half-light as she watched the sparkling snow falling softly.

The quiet closing of the door informed her she had company. "Hey Claudia Jean" Abbey murmured softly in her ear, her equally bundled self coming to rest beside CJ, offering up a mug of cider. CJ took it from her gratefully.

"Hi Abbey" she sighed, knowing this moment would have occurred eventually. She'd been avoiding Abbey for weeks, trying to postpone it.

"I never got my response" Abbey looked up at her impishly. CJ smiled half-heartedly.

"That's because neither of us is going to like it" she replied sadly, looking anywhere but at Abbey's face. She felt Abbey's hand slip into hers.

"I know" Abbey told her softly. CJ met her eyes.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"It's alright. I understand." Abbey responded, squeezing her hand gently.

"No. I want to explain." CJ told her adamantly. Abbey nodded her consent. "I serve at the pleasure of the President, Abbey. That means that this" she gestured between them "can't happen." She lifted her hand briefly to Abbey's cheek. "Trust me, if there were any way it could be otherwise…." CJ trailed off. "I love you Abbey."

"I love you too." Abbey murmured, pulling CJ down to kiss her forehead softly. CJ wrapped her arms around the First Lady, holding her close. Abbey pulled her head down again, tentatively. CJ let her, brushing her lips gently against the other woman's and deepening the kiss, trying to forge the moment into her memory. Afterward she leaned her head on Abbey's shoulder, and they watched the snow falling silently together.


	9. Cinnamon Hearts

"These came for you" CJ looked up and smiled as Carol laboured under a giant vase of white lilies. She stood up and went to help her assistant.

"Is there a card?" she questioned, though she already knew who they were from.

"Yep" Carol handed it to her after they placed the vase on CJ's bookshelf. "Who are they from?"

"My valentine" CJ raised an eyebrow as she read the card. She was more amused because she had sent the exact same thing to Abbey – a vase of stargazer lilies signed 'Your not-so-secret admirer'.

"You think they're from Danny?" Carol asked, looking at her boss with a smile on her face.

"Maybe" CJ laughed at the thought of Danny sending her flowers. Carol raised an eyebrow and left the office. CJ closed the door behind her and picked up the phone. "Tea later?" she asked as Abbey picked up on the other end.

"My office or yours?" Abbey replied, sounding amused. "Why don't you come over around five." She suggested.

"Sounds good." CJ hung up and turned back to her briefings, a smile on her face. Abbey Bartlet did not take "no" for an answer.

"I have a press briefing." CJ made to stand up, setting her teacup down quietly, and downing a few more of the cinnamon hearts on Abbey's desk.

"Alright." Abbey stood too, walking her towards the door. As CJ made to open it, Abbey stopped her gently. CJ sighed.

"Abbey…" she started.

"Shhh." Abbey put a finger to her lips, wrapping her other around CJ's neck, pulling her down. "It's Valentine's Day" she murmured. CJ smiled and gave in.

Abbey tasted of cinnamon.


End file.
